What is the meaning of all these?
I’m SAD. UPSET. DISAAPPOINTED. PUZZLED. CONFUSED. FRUSTRATED. ANGRY. LOST.
I wasn’t granted a visa because I’m a NURSE. I can’t help but feel a spiral of emotions. You know, I worked hard for it – wanting to be a nurse and all that. But how come each day as I try to make a difference, it gets harder and harder and harder. It feels like being one paralyzed me to venture into another world. The more I try to chase it, the more it becomes difficult to achieve – crossing over.
What future do I have here if I stay? Nurses, sadly in my own country, are UNDERVALUED while we are greatly appreciated in other countries. Why is that? Is there hope in all these?
What about my marriage?
I don’t think I could go through a more longer long distance marriage. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm giving up, unlike you and you and you, my heart already endured a thousand deaths and it is at a point when even a thousand jolts couldn't make it beat any longer. What is the point of staying together when we are not physically together? If only the visa officer knew the weight of that piece of paper, maybe he or she could’ve granted me one.
But then again, it didn’t happen.
There must be a REASON.
There MUST be.
Maybe IT is not for ME. Only time will tell. I still have plan B and plan C. But isn’t it not that when we put our heart into something, we give it our best, we hope it works, we dream about it, we believe that it is going to happen. When things doesn’t go as planned, the HURT could be so great that it will momentarily leave us at a dead STOP. GRID LOCK!
What now universe?
Delays are blessings. As of the mo, I am finding it hard to believe. Maybe tomorrow or the next day, I'll see logic in all these.
For now I shall weep and wallow in sadness. Tomorrow will be another story.
